Freshly Pressed Archive

☕️ NLC Suspends Strike

Good morning. "Such is life" — New Zealand PM Jacinda Ardern, has canceled her wedding because of the COVID-19 surge.Someone said Boris Johnson will be devastated to miss the party.

☕️ PVC Lies

Good morning. Amazon is aiding researchers in a bizarre exploration of climate with a catch: running climate models to dim the sun to avert climate disaster. Whoa. I'll buy stock in vitamin D supplies.

☕️ 'Unpresidential' Educational Qualifications

Good morning. An entertainment star who made a staggering £38,000 a week from selling her farts in a jar, has revealed she was rushed to hospital. At one point, demand was so high for Stephanie’s wind that she was producing up to 50 jars worth of farts a week.  This really took the wind out of her. 

☕️ Kanu Tackled, Again

Good morning. Jonathan becomes world's oldest tortoise ever. Happy 190th!   He shows us why the tortoise wins the race and beats the hare.

☕️ NCC Raises Alarm

Good morning. Samsung has developed a new TV remote that uses radio waves from your router to stay charged. Awesome. Just think of a life without batteries and charging cables.

☕️ Back Online

Good morning. During a liver transplant, a British doctor etched his initials on the liver using a surgical device. The branded initials were only discovered when another doctor performed surgery after the transplant failed. He's now being barred from practising.I’ve heard of British eccentricities but…

☕️ Ernest Shonekan

Good morning. A 58-foot-long pedestrian bridge stolen from an Ohio city last month has been found. Police found the missing span partially disassembled on property in a neighboring county.  It was a bridge too far for him. And I have so many questions.

☕️ Exodus of Nurses

Good morning. Through a review of 21 placebo-controlled trials that had previously been carried out on a total of 386 participants, researchers have found the scientific evidence for the effectiveness of any so-called hangover cure was dubious at best. But will this stop people from trying?

☕️ Digital Tax Coming

Good morning. "Save me from an arranged marriage" — A British bachelor who’s using giant pulic boards to find a match.  We hope love finds him

☕️ Missing Arms

Good morning. IBM and Samsung have announced their latest advance in semiconductor design which could produce cell phone batteries that could go over a week without being charged, instead of days.LOL. My Nokia did this in 1999. On a serious note, this is fantastic as it promises to fix the single most annoying and highly antiquated feature of our cell phones: Having to charge at least once a day if not more.

☕️ Black Soot

Good morning. Do you know about Microsoft's AI called Cortana? It would have been named Bingo if the successor of Gates, Steve Ballmer, had had his way. Naming is hard.

☕️ Electricity Tariff

Good morning. Today is the last day of 2021 and obviously the last edition of Freshly Pressed this year. We want to thank you for giving us the privilege to invade your inbox this new year and we hope it's been worth it. We wish you a great end of the year.

☕️ 130 Years Late

Good morning. A man was arrested after getting coronavirus vaccine eight times, in order to get vaccine certification on behalf of other people.Doesn't that make him a silent guardian, a watchful protector, a Dark Knight?

☕️ Female Soldier Released

Good morning. An appeal to fulfil a terminally ill man's wish to come home for Christmas has raised more than £11,000. Human beings are intrinsically good.

☕️ Royal (Second) Divorce

Good morning. Japanese politicians are imploring people to drink more milk this season to prevent tons of excess raw milk from being thrown away.  â€œWe’d like the population to cooperate in drinking an extra cup of milk than you’d normally do and make use of milk products when cooking.” First world problems.

☕️ Holes in MDAs

Good morning. A professor wanted to see if any of his 70 students read his class’s syllabus. To do so, he wrote the location and combination of a locker with $50 inside on the 2nd page. When the semester ended on Dec. 8, the cash remained.  Read the syllabus, kids.

☕️ CBN Offers Help

Good morning. A man was kicked off a United Airlines flight for testing the mask mandate by wearing a pair of women’s underwear as a face mask. He insisted he was in compliance with the mask mandate because his nose and mouth were covered by the red thong underwear. He later compared himself to Rosa Parks.

☕️ Religious Concerns

Good morning. "Santa Claus is an imaginary character. The red color of his coat was chosen by Coca-Cola for advertising purposes,”  thundered Bishop Antonio Staglianò in Sicily to a dismayed group of children. The dear Bishop would certainly not be fun at parties.

☕️ Mass General Resignations

Good morning. "Keep going" – A Kansas woman who just turned 100 years old, on the key to longevity.  Also the secret to getting through this newsletter.

☕️ UAE's Nerve Touched

Good morning. â€œOH-mee-kraan”The US Captioning Company released its list of the most mispronounced words for this year, which includes cheugy (CHOO-gee), ethereum (ih-THEE-ree-um) and the Greek tennis player Stefanos Tsitsipas (STEH-fuh-nohs TSEE-tsee-pas).

☕️ Justice Denial

Good morning. A 10 year old Australian entrepreneur, Pixie Curtis, said he is poised to retire at 15, according to her mother. After launching in May, Curtis’ accessory and toy business pulled in $200k in the first month and is reportedly on track to make $21 million in the next ten years. What will she be doing after retirement?

☕️ Terror Financing

Good morning. The Guardi

☕️ Dowengate

Good morning. Imagine finding a 3,000-year-old Axe with a metal detector. It happened to this teenager. She says that when she grows up, she wants to be an archaeologist.

☕️Canada's Ban

Good morning. Companies are changing their names to better represent their future ambitions. First, Facebook became Meta as part of its push to build the metaverse, and Square, Jack Dorsey’s payments company, renamed itself Block yesterday to reflect its expansion into crypto/blockchain. When is *coughs* going to name itself Nigerian Government?

☕️ Oh My, Omicron

Good morning. Recently, an innocent man who served 43 years in prison for a triple murder he did not commit was finally released from a Missouri penitentiary. Thousands were moved by his plight and have donated $1.6 million. Life!

☕️ Army-Police Standoff

Good morning. Do you shrink back from engaging strangers in conversations? Well, you atre not alone, but a new study shows that having deep conversations with strangers is beneficial to you. Talk to a stranger today.

☕️ A Stubborn Idea

Good morning. In China, a man was banned from all-you-can-eat BBQ for eating too much. The restaurant owner said Mr Kang was putting him out of pocket. When Real Life imitates Comedy. "You no come back here! You been here 4 hour!" 

☕️ FG Warns Again

Good morning.The world's wealthiest dog just listed his Miami mansion (once owned by Madonna) for nearly $32M.  And you thought your pooch was spoiled.

☕️ Vaccine Plant

Good morning. Without an official announcement or fanfare, US Disney parks are including a Black Santa Claus in Christmas celebrations this year for the first time in the company's 66-year theme park history. Economics! You gerrit?

☕️ Unique Inflation

Good morning. According to a Google Trends analysis, the most misspelled word during the pandemic has been "quarantine." Are you surprised?

☕️ Inflation Slows

Good morning. "A bit unbelievable" – A woman, who set a world record after running 95 marathons in 95 days. I can feel my running shoes starring at me.

☕️ Another General Gone

Good morning. â€œCould be penalised” – What could happen to your boss if they text you after work hours in Portugal.  One-way trip to Lisbon, please.

☕️ Cheating CBN

Good morning. A bit of housekeeping — if you'd like to ensure you receive Freshly Pressed every time we send it, we'd recommend you take a quick step.Gmail desktop users — simply drag this email to the "primary" tab at the top of your screen. If you're on your phone, you can click the 3 dots at the top right corner and click "Move" then "Primary."For everyone else, you can follow these instructions.

☕️ Governors Accuse Malami

Good morning. Over the weekend, there was the 50th running of the NYC Marathon, drawing over 30,000 athletes from across the globe. Molly Seidel set the American course record, shattering the previous record by more than a minute. It was later revealed that she did so with two broken ribs. A champ and a half!

☕️ Weed vs NASS

Good morning. As a 9-year-old, she was saved at sea. Thirty-five years later, she reunited with her rescuers. One reader said, "I needed this today." Another: "I'm crying reading this." Chances are you will too. A moving story of tragedy, heartbreak, wonder and, ultimately, beautiful connection. 

☕️ Army Seeks More

Good morning. An intrepid 6-year-old dog helped rescue over 100 injured koalas from the Australian bush fires in 2019–2020. Now, the Australian Koolie named Bear has been named a hero, getting an award from the International Fund for Animal Welfare (IFAW).I can only hope Bear knows how important this award is.

☕️ Ikoyi Building Collapse

Good morning. The longtime head of spine surgery at Boston Medical Center has been reprimanded by state regulators and fined $5,000 for leaving an operating room before the start of an emergency ankle surgery to go eat in his parked car, where he fell asleep and missed the procedure. No comments.

☕️ Workers' Casualization

Good morning. New parents in Japan have found an innovative way to introduce their babies to relatives in the pandemic – bags of rice. Parents are sending bags of rice that weigh the same as their newborns for relatives to hold. The bags feature a photo of the newborn baby where the head would be in bags shaped to resemble, as much as possible, an infant.  Modern problems require modern solutions.

☕️ Unpowering Discos

Good morning. An aluminium technician climbed a mast in Lagos in a bid to commit suicide. It took the pleading of emergency management workers and residents for him to come down. He had a weird ask for residents when he was on top of the mast though: They should gather for fellowship and start with songs and praise.

☕️ e-Naira Launches

Good morning. A man bought a lotto ticket and forgot all about it only to see it in his wallet a few days ago and discover he has won $20 Million. Why can’t that happen to my wallet.Best of luck with your new found wealth.

☕️ 'You Lied'

Good morning. Recent research shows that after using tools, crows are happier and behave more optimistically. â€˜The pleasure of accomplishment’ is universal, huh?

☕️ Erdogan Accuses Nigeria

Good morning. A couple has been charged with trying to sell U.S. nuclear secrets to another country stewed over funds and politics. What brings about this kind of confidence?

☕️ #EndSARS Anniversary

Good morning. On this night last year at about 6:50 p.m., members of the Nigerian Army opened fire on peaceful EndSARS protesters at the Lekki toll gate in Lagos State, Nigeria. May the labours of our heroes past not be in vain!

☕️ Royal Freedom

Good morning. An unvaccinated man met a doctor at a bar. He left agreeing to get his first dose. Drinks will make you do anything. Seriously though, it's weird what happens when people talk to a doctor instead of the internet for medical information.

☕️ FG's Vaccination Mandate

Good morning. Have you watched Squid Game? If you have not, then may be the hype is worth it. It is not the most-watched series on Netflix. It upstaged Bridgerton's 82 million with its 111 million views. Staggering stuff.

☕️ Cooking Gas Warning

Good morning. A Canadian woman was sleeping peacefully when a meteorite crashed through her ceiling and landed on her pillow. She plans to keep the space rock as a reminder to never take life for granted.Also maybe as warning to anyone who might dare share her bed.

☕️ Another Record Budget

Good morning. Stackoverflow keyboard called The Key is now a thing. It does only 2 things: Copy and Paste. Every programmer I know needs this!

FG vs Anambra

Good morning. Plumber gets record deal after client hears him singing in his bathroom.Talent in unexpected places.

☕️ Pandora Papers

Good morning. â€œMy mom told me I can't” – A 13-year old on why he wouldn’t take off his mask for his school picture.  Mom always knows best.

☕️ Continuous Subsidy Scam

Good morning.  Danish art museum lent an artist $84,000 to recreate his own older artworks. Instead, he sent them two empty picture frames and titled the piece "Take the Money and Run." Reality is indeed stranger than fiction